27 January, 2011

Oh so much fun that it hurts…

Well folks, I’m back from what I deem ‘the most fun and awesome wedding I have been to ever’. Hard to imagine anything legal and socially acceptable that may top the amount of fun I’ve had over the last week or so. Allow me to introduce the couple, the groom and I have been studying together since class 7…so we’ve been friends forever. And he’s been the nice fellow to drop me back home when I’ve been stone drunk and passed out…twice.( And thrice if you include the wedding party). And the bride has been friends with us for over 10 years. And it is so heart-warming and cool (in a Karan Johar movie sort of way) to see these two who’ve been dating each other for almost a decade to finally get married. So this made us friend’s eligible for fun from both the groom and the bride’s side. So double fun!

It’s almost unbelievable that in this day and age one gets to see a romance actually mature into something sweet. We’ve been witness to the courting of these two for 10 years now, and even now they still behave like they met only yesterday and fell in love. It’s these kinds of things that allow me to keep the faith in this whole absurd unexplainable concept of love and what it can do. Ayyo….yikes! I’m writing about love and all that… wedding hangover! Excuse moi! Back to more serious stuff.

The last few days ware spent staying with the groom at his house in Meerut. And I’ve had so much fun being a part of their family and all the singing and the dancing that seems to happen every day. Yours truly danced…. And danced well he did. I’ve never ever danced at a barat before, but this time was so much fun. Going absolutely wild to almost every hindi song being played. See…I’m not all headbanging and metal….have got a desi avatar too. Some friend’s were a little shocked that I was dancing so much because I normally hate dancing in public and the only 2 times I went to a disco, I decided to sit by the bar. But I was in full form….and I was sober. Can you imagine that? Me? Sober? Dancing? At the same time? In public? PS: I did try the Salman Khan belt dance thing when they were playing some Dabaang songs…turns out a fat guy with a ponch adjusting his belt in dance fashion is not as attractive as Sallu bhai. Che… what to do. They did not play ‘Appdi podu podu’!

The wedding was so cool, and almost ‘Hum Aapke Hain Kaun’ types. Shoe-stealing, food, dancing, singing, fleeting romances on the side….and through all this, I felt exactly like Tuffy…you know…the Pomeranian in the movie who was around having all the fun but irrelevant to the plot type of person. (Basically a little miffed that I did not have a fleeting romance….but then, there was Blender’s Pride….so we know who got first preference) (Is ladke ka kuch nahin hoga….bhagwan isse bachaye) And it was nice after so long to meet some really old friends and make some new ones too. I always like making friends, and touch-wood, I’ve been fortunate to meet some interesting people. So yaay! We all did not get much sleep and spent a lot of hours chatting and talking….and drinking! It turns out I want to be the next ‘Bhagat Singh meets Raja Ram Mohan Roy’ type revolutionary when I am drunk! At least it’s better than,” Machaan, I love her da….I’m going to call her da!” This is kind of sad when you think about it, because even when drunk, I’ve got big plans for life and none of that has to do with chicks in Vegas or Thailand….boooooooring!

I’m way too excited to give a coherent account of what all happened, but in a nutshell, I love North Indian weddings because of all the fun and want to marry a North Indian girl if I ever come around to this marriage business. As I put it, North Indian weddings are like ‘marketing’ weddings….loud, fun, in your face, opulent; while south Indian weddings are ‘accounting’ weddings…everything in place, not fun, to the point with a purpose of being right than having fun. My brethren from the South suddenly want to have fun and are organizing Sangeeths and Mehandi nights and what-not…..but it’s so forced and just does not have the same punch. Say what you may, having fun at weddings is not in our blood. We are expected to hold morose faces and stare at the bride and grooms while they merely chant rituals, eat the killer food served on a banana leaf and go home, maybe even back to work sometimes if the wedding is over by 10 AM. And if you are expecting me to say that having a carnatic music face-off between the bride and groom’s side, you’re mistaken.

When I was mentioning that I want to marry a North Indian girl in passing to the folks, my Dad actually got worried and said that if I marry a North Indian girl, he does not have money for an opulent wedding and that unless that he was able to put at least a crore was on the table, the girl’s parents may not agree. Turns out I was just joking….Dad was taking me way too seriously. Sheesh! Ladka Heera hain…don’t know why he’s getting so worried. And I’ve got 3 cousins and 3 years before anyone should be worried about me. By ‘anyone’, this refers to family members only and the concept of arranged marriage aka ‘met through Bharatmatrimony.com’. Friends are still allowed to set me up with women friends of theirs. Lol….like that has ever happened or will ever happen.

Anyway, I officially love North Indian weddings. And I want to use my blog to wish the bride and groom all the very best for the many years ahead and wish them the same amount of fun everyday going forward. Cheers!

17 January, 2011

Easily spoilt

By now, I hope you all know I have inherited dad’s old car while he bought a new one for himself. While the car has been awesome help in the cold and the traffic, I’ve not been able to get around to doing any significant long drives except randomly driving off in some direction where there is a road with less-than-average traffic. I will plan some decent trips after February when all the weddings I have to attend stop.

In my new role as designated driver, I am expected to drive mum, dad and other relatives around town. And I am supposed to be happy about doing this. It so happened that the other day, I had driven around and had parked the car outside the gate; came home and fell asleep. Dad being the awesome, nice, generous, caring, kind-hearted person that he is, (must say all these things to ensure continued help via inheritance….yes, I am shameless) decided to park the car inside. In my slumber, I can hear the man revving the car like no one’s business…but I’m too lazy to go and see what he was doing. He comes back up and says, “ Your car needs to be serviced….the clutch is too tight and the accelerator is not sensitive enough. In my car, I have to just touch the accelerator and the car glides like butter”. HELLO?!?!?!?!? Wasn’t this your car till a month ago? While I am happy that we have now clearly stated ownership on who owns which car, isn’t that being plain cocky? Turns out, in less than a month, my dad has gotten used to his new snazzy car with the super power brakes, accelerator, centralized locking and all those fancy things…..and now MY CAR is not good enough for you. Humph….men! Typical. (Erm…did I just say that?)

It turns out, I’m being a bit of a hypocrite here. The other day I took the Activa on a small errand to a nearby shop….yes! You read it right….I still ride the Activa now and then! As much as I may not like her, I cannot part with her. I came back feeling very annoyed that the pick-up was not as good as my car, and that the brakes were not as sensitive as my car. I came home and told mom,” I don’t know how I rode that infernal machine all this time.” Looks like it’s just human for us to get accustomed to the finer things in life very easily but find it very very annoying to have to go back to old ways. But that still does not give dad the right to mock MY car in front of his new car.

How many of you are like this? Bought a new touch screen phone, and then think all our button-based phones are inferior? Or bought a PS3 and look down upon PS2 owners? Or now drive and Activa and look down upon Scooty owners? Well, Scooty owners ought to be looked down upon…..Come on, Spill the beans…

15 January, 2011

What to focus on

Me: I’m out last week of Jan in Delhi for the wedding

Friend: Oh, that’s cool! I heard Delhi is terribly cold!

Me: I know. At least there would be much scotch to expect….and brandy thanks to the cold!!!

Friend: Do you think of anything else?

Me: yes! Music…but that would all be Punjabi…so not too gung ho about that

There won’t be any non-veg at the wedding

All the girls would be married/taken/not interested

That leaves the low hanging instant gratification fruit of alcohol

Jai ho

Logic proper right?

Friend: yes….logic is really good

07 January, 2011


All names in this article are fictional (or not) and may possibly bear resemblance to some people living, but come what may, the author of this blog will disclaim any knowledge of your existence and blame it on ‘Inception’ or ‘The Matrix’, whichever holds water in a court of law.

The mistakes of youth that leave scars forever are many. That is unavoidable….scars on your knee from trying to ride your bike off the roof of your one storey house, burn marks on your hand from holding a naked wire, jumping off a bus – in the wrong direction, burn marks on your tongue from sticking it into the power socket to see what electricity tastes like…you know, common stuff. But the cool part about all these scars is that one learns from their mistakes and hopefully as time goes by, they evolve. But then, one’s email address is not part of this evolution.

How many of you have more than one e-mail address thanks to all those free accounts being offered? I have about 7, but use only one. And how many of these e-mail IDs were created when you were in that awkward phase between 12 and 26 years of age? And how many of these are IDs you, assuming to be of sound body and mind, and self-respect, would you share with people today….by people, I mean a potential recruiter? I am sure most of us created IDs with adjectives and descriptions that symbolized our emotional state of mind at the moment, or the lack of clairvoyance that one would actually use these email IDs in the future when they attach their resumes with adjectives like “ the stuff CEOs are made of….” and send it from their email ID ‘ sexyraj@gmail.com’.

So here is the point I am trying to make….it’s still amazing as to how many people with post-graduate degrees have email IDs which are juvenile enough to write them off as a 13 year old wannabe junkie. I remember this resume from a female acquaintance…we’ll call her Girija for now with an email ID – 2sexy_girija@hotmail.com. There was nothing sexy about Girija…believe me. This person was actually expecting a job with a real company. How about those email IDs created by wannabe-goth-metal fans still in circulation. ‘thedarkone@rediffmail.com’, ‘blackdeathnisha@hotmail.com’ or ‘lifesux@hotmail.com’….. and believe me, I am not making the IDs up. I have received resumes from people as recent as 2 years ago, with such IDS. Or how about girls with sappy pink email IDs like ‘ritabunny@rediffmail.com’???? Her last name was not ‘Bunny’….and she does not work for playboy (I think she became a taxidermist or something).

Now if you think I’m only going to make fun of other people, allow me to share some of my email IDs with you…’ nikhilesh_the_raptor@rediffmail.com’, ‘ nik_gamerreborn@rediffmail.com’, ‘ Gandalf_reloaded@rediffmail.com’.....But this was my favourite yet….’Nikhilesh_king@hotmail.com’. I would like to point out that all these IDs were created after I made my first ID (currently in use) and I felt it was too boring and that it was not cool enough and would not help score with the ladies if I were to share my ID for those long ‘You’ve got mail’ type email-exchanges….sigh, the thinking of a 15 year old.

Now, we all make mistakes like these, but one hopes that with a graduate degree, some sense would prevail and one would create a simple ID with first and last name…or some equally boring variant of that to ensure that potential recruiters do not mock you during their coffee break..” hey guys, I received this resume from this fella who calls himself ‘stud_akash’…turns out, he’s referring to the stud on his ears.” It could be worse; they could blog about you too. I have nothing against jyothi_light, liverpool4eva_Jaggy or latha4U….but I do wish they change their email IDs when applying for a job at least. This is a sincere request from ‘Trex_nikhilesh’ that you please get more mature email IDs for official use at least.

04 January, 2011

Sinatra was right...

Happy New Year folks…. So how was it? Who did what? Who did whom? Any crazy stories? Anyone propose to anyone on the Eiffel tower? Anyway, let me make those of you who stayed home jealous by saying – I went to a farmhouse party. Yaaaay! No, not a rave party. Farmhouse parties are NOT rave parties and they do not end in an orgy.( Looking at a certain someone who thought that they do….what are you, 15 years old and just discovered porn on the internet?) Anyway, the DJ was so-so, kept interspersing every song with Shiela ki God-damn jawani…. I hate this song now. Munni rules! Period! Since the music was not exactly to my liking (meaning, I could not head bang) I decided to place myself at an optimal distance between the bar and the kitchen. This way, I got first crack at all the kababs that came out hot from the Tandoor. Now who says I don’t put my MBA to good use? Darling….this is ‘positioning’. Besides the killer-kababs, I managed to finish an entire bottle of Old Monk rum…. Sigh! It was a nice new year.

At work the next day, the typical thing was to ask people what they did to usher in the New Year. I told one colleague of mine….not even colleague….more like a random acquaintance I was forced to know thanks to a colleague (office people read this blog….don’t want to get into specifics). So, when I told them that I had gone for a new year party to a farmhouse, their reply was, “ Fully boozedaaaaa?????” For the uninitiated, whenever a south-indian suffixes ‘aaaa’ to a sentence, it means they are asking you a question. Like ‘ ateaaaaaaa?’ (Did you eat?) or ‘lateaaaaaaa?’ (Are you late)….get the picture? Back to the point, the tone of the question is one that I have received many times before….a tone which has the subliminal message of’ You’re pathetic, you drink….am sure you’re going to be a wife-beater’.

For those unfamiliar with the world of fine-spirits, their only reference to alcohol-drinking is in terrible Indian movies and television where people either talk a lot of rot, see 3 of everything, or tend to get violent which is followed by killing someone in a drunken rage. To you wimps, I say, there is a world of difference between ‘drinking’ and getting ‘drunk’. When I go out drinking, I know how much is too much. I do not say silly things ( although I do tend to sing a lot) and do not call up ex-girlfriends…ok….hypothetical ex girl-friends and profess my undying love to them. I also am blessed with good capacity….so two beers is nothing. I know many to whom drinking means getting drunk and pondering over why they are still single….to them, I say, ‘ Really????? You’re wondering why? Try being sober and not competing with the champ for starters’. I don’t understand why you assume that someone drinking as tantamount to openly worshipping the devil. There is nothing wrong with drinking. To conclude, I’d like to quote Frank Sinatra, “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

And the word is ‘Drinking’. ‘Boozing’ means ‘To drink alcoholic beverages excessively or chronically’ and I have done neither. Besides having misconstrued notions on the concept of enjoying a fine spirit, I recommend some classes on the English language as well.