27 November, 2011

Finally growing up….making space.

Yours truly finally grew up from being 8 years old to about 15 years old. In what was a shocking move, yours truly gave away almost all his G.I.Joe and He-Man action figure collection of some 15 odd years away.

Hold on! Rewind! You mean a 27 year old still had his entire G.I.Joe and other action figure collection?

Yup, what is said above is true. This 27 year old still clung on to his action figure collection…..until today that is. And those of you who do watch ‘Big Bang Theory’ would know that there is nothing wrong with grown men collecting action figures. And if you do like the TV series and still think I’m weird…I’ve got two words for you…..blaaaaaaady hypocrite. For those of you who know me personally, and happen to follow this blog, would know that this is a big deal….almost as big as Aishwarya Rai having a baby. (For that almost never happens these days….am I the only one who feels sorry for the other grandkids that Big B has from Swetha Bachhan? We don’t even hear of them.)

Anyway, the house is being painted this year, something that happens once a decade. So, I was cleaning out the loft and came across some old photos of when I was a kid. The parental unit had given me an almost perfect childhood. Great toys, a good education from good schools, instilled good habits and morals, showed me all the great places in the world aka Disneyland. And I will admit that this whole grown-up business is not going as planned. I’m still staying with my parents, have a job that isn’t financially pleasing, have not been abroad anywhere seeing the world, not in a relationship, have done nothing substantial with my life. So maybe I was clinging on to all these action figures because they reminded me of a simpler time. A time when life was good, a time when I would wake up in the morning and not go,” Oh crap, I have to get to work”, a time when I didn’t understand that the world was an unfair and mean place and you never get what you want.

But I think it is time to move on, it’s time I stop clinging on to childhood memories. It is time to make space for all new ones. And even if it means I’ll never be a part of a great band, or have that great job which sends to fancy places to work, drive that fancy car, be with the person you’re supposed to be and all that, at least going forward I know that whatever I make of life will be mine. And there is some joy in trying by yourself and not have dear mummy and daddy give it to you.

I kept a few of the action figures, just for namesake and gave away the rest to my maid’s kid who I hear thinks I’m a God of some sort and treasures any of the clothes we send across. Maybe my action figures have found a nice home. It was like the ending of ‘Toy Story 3’ which I frickin wept through. While these guys have been my best friends for almost 15 years and have travelled the globe with me, I think it’s time they went to somebody else. It’s time I make room for new things in my life. It’s time to start opening up spaces. I did spend a good 2 hours creating all those kiddish situations in my head where Cobra Commander created a monster that was causing havoc, so while G.I.Joe were saving the innocent town folks from the monster, Cobra were busy stealing nuclear warheads to sell. And oh my god did those two hours more than make up for my weekend and the sucky week of work.

So here is to my action figures that are going to give some other kid a part of the awesome world of imagination that I had growing up…. Thank you for being there. And no matter what other people say, I am here partly because of all the awesome stories you guys and I made together, far off places, future worlds, monsters and so much more. Now go and make some other kid happy.

Goodbye dear friends….and the best way I can repay you guys is to ensure that if I ever come down to having a tyke of my own, he/she gets enough of you guys to run away to great worlds and make great stories. And here's the ending of 'Toy Story 3' for all those who have/had action figures and had to part with them.

PS: The PS3 remains….. I still have my Batman, Darth Vader and Harry Potter action figures. And my Lego set.....i could not let go of Lego. Joke...get it??!?! 

20 November, 2011

Just got parented…

I don’t know how this happened or where it came from. But come on….I’m 27 and you can’t revoke TV privileges. I won’t get into the details of how this happened but the parental unit just suddenly switched off the television and told me that it’s being switched off for my behavior.


This feels like class 7 all over again. I’m holding back the urge to laugh out loudly. (or ‘lol’ as most of you call it today). I mean, come on….i’m 27…I’m practically a grown man who earns his own money to pay for his own fuel….PS3 and other minor juvenile behavior aside, this ‘revoking of TV rights’ is simply preposterous. Alright, I still live with my parents….but then, that’s pretty normal for any indian household. Like my friend says,”dude….we’re all f**ked up in the head from all this American TV. All this nonsense of ‘living by ourselves’, ‘bachelor pad’ is all bloody American thinking da. We’re Indian and we’re going to live with or nearby our parents forever,” (Will the court please note that my friend is staying in the US “with” a bachelor pad). Anyway, just because I stay with them, and the only relationships I have are with my 3 guitars, does not mean you can randomly remove TV viewing rights for me saying things you don’t agree with.

Sheesh! I remember way back in school and college where they would take away various privileges so as to ensure I study. Well, we can all clearly see that ‘that’ was a failed experiment. Anyway, dear parental unit…. I have a laptop, in my room, with unrestricted access to the internet. I don’t even watch TV anymore. I download. And if you think banning use of the TV is going to stop me from playing the PS3, so be it. I don’t get to play on week days thanks to work…so gnaaaah!

What was the last time your parents punished you? And what did they do? Mine was called ‘Mera beta engineer banega’.

PS: This blog is now up to 27 followers.(Ola 27th follower. That’s my age by the way, just in case anyone thought that this much obsession over a PS3 can only mean I’m 16 years old) Thank you all for your support in reading this blog, please introduce your friends to the same, so that one day I can do this full time. I promise to be bitter and whine about things even when I’m this “Salman Rushdie meets Chetan Bhagat in hell” type writer dude!

04 November, 2011

The 3 TV theory

I was talking to a good friend, who like me dreams to one day own a PS3. I own a PS3 NOW….but then we were in the same boat until I decided to finally jump off and swim to shore. So, friend is left without a PS3, at the moment. He’s moving on to bigger and better things where they actually pay you a decent wage….so we know where that paycheck is going.

However, unlike me, the decision to buy a PS3 is not a clear decision. In order to experience the full juvenile joy of games on the PS3, one needs to own a very good television.  My friend has this other problem ….ok…not problem…he has this other concern called a ‘girlfriend’. So here’s the problem, if he buys a TV, he would also have to buy a cable connection, so that his girlfriend can watch TV at his place, which clearly means PS3 time reduces. This is a grave problem….only a PS3 fan would understand and sympathize.

Based on this predicament, I have come up with the ‘3 TV theory’.  Here’s how it goes, “ If you are an avid male gamer and are fortunate to be in a relationship with a real human of the opposite gender and see this relationship turning into some form of a long term commitment like marriage, please invest in 3 televisions.”

Dear readers, I would like to pause here for a moment and state that I have absolutely no idea on how the concept of a relationship works, all my notions are purely theoretical (seen on TV and some in reality), so do not blame me if this theory does not work.

Here goes, Why 3 TVs you ask? Not all of us men would end up with a dame who likes exactly the same channels /programs we like. We men would probably want to watch the EPL, Dexter and Terranova while she wants to watch Masterchef Australia (although she will never ever cook any of those dishes), Saas ki bhi kabhi bahu thi and Grey’s Anatomy. The start of all fights….the power of control over the remote control. I know 2 women in the world who like some of the shows I like….but then, that’s 2 in a whole planet of women. If she watches football, she’ll probably support Arsenal because Van Persie is sooooooooooooooo cute! (Facepalm….I actually know a friend who supports AS Roma without having watched a game because she finds Totti to be so cute….no kidding here). So why would you subject yourself to watching all those TV series? Maybe it’s the whole ‘intimacy’ and ‘I love what you love’ thing which I don’t quite comprehend. You’ll also have to buy one of those Tata Sky recording thingies to record live matches and important events like ‘WWE Elimination Chamber’ and the season finale of  ‘Rakhi ka Insaaf’.

That explains the first TV. Now why the second? There is a good chance that if you were in a serious relationship with a woman, you might end up marrying her and given the right circumstances (lots of booze and pent up frustration) might result in procreation. The little tyke that comes around would want to watch cartoons. It’s fine as long as cartoons are limited to Tom&Jerry, Bug Bunny, Dexter’s Lab,etc….but from what I hear, kids today watch digimon,pokemon,yeah mon, mon-ica my darling, and other excuses for cartoons. Some of them love watching hindi film songs and jumping up and down to every song. So clearly, to prevent overlap of TV viewing priorities where you would end up watching what can only be described as “ Kyunki saas bhi kabhi Pokemon thi”…you buy the second TV.

That’s wise Nikhilesh…but why the third? Why? Why why why? Calm down dear reader….I’m coming straight to that point.

Assuming you are the MCP (google that) like most men, you really would not enjoy giving up control of the remote that allows mindless channel surfing only stop at every sport channel and the Discovery(FTV) channel. If you were the repressed gamer, like me, who is still fuelling his juvenile pursuits like a PS3, you’d obviously need a TV all to yourself. Preferably, the TV is to be placed in some dark store room or dungeon like place so that no one disturbs you. WWE and EPL would go undisturbed. This experience could be augmented by purchasing a 3 BHK, or at least a small penthouse/storage space near by so that you can run off to, to be by yourself without the Pokemons and Saas-Bahus.

So that ladies and gentlemen is my “3 TV theory” to ensure a happy (or less miserable) married life. Once again let me remind everyone that the author only owns a PS3 and currently is not nor has ever been in a relationship with a woman and is probably the best person to give you an unbiased opinion on how things ought to be done. Practice at own risk. I am not responsible for any break ups…but if any one who does break up and is looking for a drinking buddy, drop a message on twitter and I’ll be there. You’re buying obviously.