I hang out with way too many women.
The previous statement would have turned any male with normal wiring in his head and blood rushing to all the right parts, green with envy. But I see this as a problem. And it is a serious problem that I need to tackle at the earliest. Why this sudden epiphany? I went to see a movie with my peeps (all girls) and during the interval joined them in a very serious analysis of the shoes that women at the theatre were wearing. And I rather liked the shoes of this one girl that looked like something a Christmas elf would wear....or closer to what Robin wore in the old Batman TV serials
Read the previous statement.... SLOWLY!!! I am not talking about liking the 'girl' but am talking about liking 'her shoes'. Her darn elf-like shoes. A normal guy would have thought ‘Damn she’s hot........ maybe I should get her number and ask her to coffee.’ But nooooooo..... I liked her shoes.
It then hit me that lately I’ve been hanging around with way too many women than I ought to be. Most of my male friends are either abroad, married, engaged or just not into the things I am into. That covers rock shows, stand up comedy and football when Manchester United is playing. Without my noticing, I have slowly become the only single male in a large peer circle of women. And what do I do the times they are not there? I go to places by myself. I have a strong feeling that I’m an introvert of sorts. It’s even more hilarious because I recently updated the job resume stating that I’m a natural extrovert. I am gravely concerned.
I’ve been shopping with these women, I have chosen shirts that are distinct from one another in pattern and colour and are neither a shade of black nor red. I went to numerous shops and tried on at least 5 walking shoes before I found the right one. I posses knowledge on the price of gold and know terminology reserved only for women and effeminate men. It’s already bad enough that I know of colours like turquoise, lavender and mauve (thanks to the arts classes as a kid). I just may slowly be turning into a woman.
I confided in a male friend about my current plight and his response was, “ Duuuuuuuuude, do you know what you have? Those chicks trust you man. Ask them out”. And he meant “out” in a ‘coffee leading to coffee at your place’ type out and not a ‘machiiiin, I’m bored and hungry. Let’s grab a pizza’ type out. Men should never give advice to men when it comes to women. They can give advice on cars, guitars, bikes, real estate, a good doctor for a prostate exam....but not women. The whole point is to have a few male friends with whom I can hang out with and be all macho-like with the swearing, beer drinking, checking out the chicks’ type thing. Should I dare to ask any of these existing friends out, I’ll be left with no friends at all.
Dear reader, if you happen to know any single men interested in hanging out at rock shows, watching football games and drinking to loud music, please asks them to get in touch. We all know of the terrible luck (driven mostly by extreme cowardice) that I have with women. I never thought I’d have this peculiar problem with men.
PS: The girl was wearing shoes similar to what Robin is wearing below, except they came in a lovely shade of Royal Blue. (Sigh... I cannot just say blue... I need to be specific)